There is a way that I am when I know that I operating at my best. There is an uncomfortable place that I go to when I have moved away from my best. I have got used to the idea that my best is the place I describe as when I am centred. Every aspect of my being is aligned, present and poised. If I am at my best, I cope and when I’m at my worst, nobody close to me enjoys me and I don’t have a sense of well-being.
This back and forth movement from and to centre became something that I took notice of after a very impactful personal development programme I joined in my late twenties. What a journey it has been. So many ups and downs, so many movements to centre, and so many away from centre. I’ve noticed how much time has been waisted not being centred and how much pain I caused to myself and to others during my darker moments.
It is easy to say that we should all monitor this movement as a means to become self-aware. It is easy to talk about the virtues of self-awareness and to explain that awareness of any kind is the starting point of self-empowerment or self-development. There will always be those nagging questions dealing with the detail – so what exactly do I need to monitor? What should I look out for and what if it happens so often I cannot seem to distinguish between the reasons for the movements?
So, in this blog, we are going to look at one thing to look out for. This thing impacts many people negatively and it will have the result of taking you away from a feeling of centred to a place where you feel stressed, thrown, angry, defensive and even ready for a fight.
Please start to take notice of the following: How many times in a day you see things, feel things, process things as an attack on you? When we see things as a personal attack, we get taken away from centre.
The question of deserving
In my reflections, I have seen that when the question “Do I deserve this?” enters my space and I answer myself with a “No”, I head down the path of taking it as a personal attack.
Am I deserving of this? Should this be happening to me? Is this fair on me? Is this what I should be experiencing right now? Is this how I should be treated or spoken to?
I deserve more. I deserve better. You shouldn’t be treating me like this.
An already weakened position makes me more prone to moving away from centre. Having my buttons pushed, after a button has already been pushed, is more likely.
Observe and make better choices
The Ripple Effect has in its methodology a focus on observation. In our Wired to Influence programme we talk about watching, noting and remembering. Taking note especially of effective and ineffective behaviours and then remembering, when making choices, which are the proven effective behaviours so as to be able to make better choices.
I observe. I feel this is a good thing. Everyone and everything around me is my teacher.
What do I do after observing?
When I go into the question of “do I deserve this?” and I answer “No”, I slip into that negative space. I don’t deal well, I don’t respond well, my chances of a good outcome are compromised and I will more than likely have to apologise for my actions.
Observe – good thing.
Deserve? – potentially a bad thing.
If I were to replace my “No” answer with the realisation that what is happening or being said is simply what is happening or being said, it is simply what it is, then I will remain in observation mode.
When I give myself time to understand, to gather my feelings and my thoughts, to check it before I wreck it, to see the situation for what it is and not to take it personally, I react more like an adult.
Do we deserve to be in lockdown? Do I deserve to be told that I cannot see my friends? Do I deserve to have my savings negatively impacted by all the things going on in the world?
Option one: ‘No” – leads to a slippery slope.
Option two: “It is what it is” – keeps me centred, being who I want to be, resilient and best positioned to cope.
Centered is empowered. Centered is strength. Centered is energised.
Excellent things come from being centered.